“BUT I DIGRESS“ consists of “HEAD TREKS” that represent the conversion of random thoughts, sometimes as “QUICK TREKS”, observations, philosophies and rants into a form of modern cursive expression better known as computer keyboarding. From time to time these thoughts are also summarized under the heading “IT REMAINS TO BE SEEN: QUESTIONS I CANNOT PRESENTLY ANSWER.”

WORLD COW COMMERCE IN CANADA – Part 3

BRITISH COLUMBIA

You own 2 cows and are forced to hire 10 farmhands to look after them. The farmhands swan around all day doing nothing but you can’t do anything about it because they are unionized. The head of a major labour union calls these people “workers” and accuses the government of exploiting both them and the cows. The “workers” subsequently go on strike for a 200% wage increase, a two hour work day, special hazardous work pay premiums, a fully funded, completely non-contributing pension and health plan, retirement at age 25, and a bonus plan based on the number of times the workers are actually forced to work during days having a maximum of one hour of sunshine in a province that is essentially an ongoing rain forest.

The Women’s League accuses you of exploiting females notwithstanding the fact that only cows and not bulls can produce milk.

The Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Queer and Transgendered Society trumpets the 2 cows as a victory for same sex marriage and votes to make them co-marshals of the annual Gay Pride parade.

The Eco-Nut Society warns of the serious consequences to global warming that will emanate from the flatulence of the 2 cows. Wildlife “experts” decry the desecration of the 1,000 square mile open pasture whereon graze the 2 cows, claiming the introduction of these cows will upset the ecological balance of this area located 2,000 miles from the nearest population, as well as encourage possible industrialization of the land or the development of seniors housing. These experts further claim that the consumption of grass by the 2 cows will serve to not only seriously deplete the earth’s chlorophyll content but will also expose the residents of the pasture’s gopher holes to added predatory pressures from stalking eagles and as a result cause cruel and unwanted nervous stress to these animals.

The province’s aboriginals claim the cows are on sacred burial grounds notwithstanding the fact that no aboriginal has ever lived there. The aboriginals further note the pasture remains the subject of unsettled land claims. In return for its use they are demanding complete self-government, a 100% increase in the annual $15 billion (billions of dollars of) tax-free subsidies presently paid them, complete unaccountability for these funds and a lifetime annual 150% royalty based on an unaudited income claim for the cows, to be continued even after the cows have died.

The government rezones your land to a high tax rate “industrial” classification, taxes you accordingly, then refuses your application to develop an industrial park on the land while rejecting your claim for both capital and income losses. One of the farm hands kills the cows, your wife and six kids, rapes your grandmother and the neighbour’s wife, burns down your house and barn, steals your truck and kills four people on bicycles while going through a stop sign. Because the courts judge him to be “remorseful” for his crimes and “not a threat to society” the farm hand is sentenced to 6 hours of house arrest, but immediately released for the 8 hours’ time already served. The farm hand then claims police brutality for the excess time he was kept in custody and, using a publicly funded lawyer files a $10 million lawsuit claiming mental cruelty. You on the other hand are sentenced to 10 years hard labour for burying your family without paying the head tax that accompanies the process.

Copyright © 2018 Ian de W. Semple. All rights reserved.